Les Étoiles de la Mer
by Phoenyxx
Summary: [One shot. Shounen ai: Athrun x Kira] Where the tides of war drowned even the strongest of soldiers, how can someone who was not a warrior in the beginning to live? [A Gift to Amaya]


**Les Étoiles de la Mer (Translation: **The Sea's Stars or, literally, The Stars of the Sea)

A Gift to Amaya (Thank you for your utmost faith :D)

**A/N: **To the clueless readers: The title is in French. Why? Sounds more romantic than the planned English title I had for it…

-glares at Amaya- I can't believe you didn't see the OVA yet! –sigh- Oh well, hehe, I'm going to spoil you anyway.

This story is a 're-creation' scene from _Hoshi no Hazama de_. This was something I wanted to see in the ova…but sadly, it never happened lol.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gundam SEED or the Gundam SEED OVA, "Hoshi no Hazama de".

* * *

We have a strange relationship, Kira and I. 

From the first day I met him, I knew he was a kind and sensitive individual. He, indeed, has proven me correct many times and his selflessness spoke for itself. We were even best friends during our preparatory at the moon, where coordinators were few among the naturals. But when the chords of war spun its cacophony of notes through the galaxy, we had to say farewell to the other. I unknowingly made a broken promise that day, underneath the blooming sakura tree, and as a token to remember me by, I gave Kira Torii. The handcrafted bird had represented our friendship, and I think I could even say now, our deep unraveling love.

But the war reached far and disrupted many people. Kira was no exception.

He was fragile at heart and the war tore at him viciously. At Heliopolis, his home, I pointed my first weapon at him, a knife that was poised to kill. But whether it was the warm eyes that I remembered back in the moon days, or whether it was the concern he showed for the unknown woman, I was unwilling to attack. I wasn't able to attack something so innocent, something so innocent that was my best friend.

When I 'killed' him, I remembered the torn emptiness inside my heart.

Finally, when I could work together with him once more, side by side, to end the war, I found that something happened to the Kira I once knew. The war struck so many others, slapped them across the face time and time again, and it also warped him into something different. The subtle hints of change were visible at times but he was fast at burying this at the bottom of the chasm of his soul.

At the end of the war, it was discernible. The suppressed emotions surfaced rapidly and just when we triumphed over the war, I was afraid of losing him to himself.

He was still the same as always, considerate and understanding, but he was also quiet and forlorn, spending his time sitting and reflecting. The war had scarred him and left their ugly marks all over. Some things just couldn't heal over, the memories playing in his mind like a grotesque theatre, and would stave him for the rest of his life.

I tried to stand by him and keep constant vigilance but before I could reach him, he became lost…lost in sense of how to live and how to salvage from his past life…how to let go of what had happened during the war. The deaths caused a great burden on him. Kira was no soldier, just an unfortunate teen that was mixed into the world of warfare.

I couldn't hold him. We couldn't hold each other; it would be too awkward. The layers of war prevented intimacy where the fear of losing the other was strong and _if_ we had displayed public affection, took time to learn and yearn for the love of the other…

…_If_ Kira died, I would've died with him. There was no doubt in my mind that I could pull the trigger against my head if it meant I would be joining him in eternal peace.

But instead, I cheated my feelings, and his, for another that needed my protection, the Princess of Orb, the Lioness, Cagalli, his newly discovered sister and twin.

Kira understood, like he always did, but selfishness never truly suited me, or, did it?

---------------------------

Athrun leaned a hand against the palm tree, stopping himself at the top of the slope that curved into the beach. There was no wind tonight, just the warm air that fused with the sand and waves. Night had advanced and swept on top of Orb, a soft blanket that was infolded carefully, creased with many stars.

He observed the overwhelmingly small silhouette against the light of the moon and meteor ambiences. The chestnut-colored hair was messy, like always, and the person had his shoulders semi-slouched, a stance that told one of monotony and weariness.

"Kira…"

The azure-haired boy dove down the hill. He was searching for him ever since he disappeared after dinner at the orphanage. Something had nudged Athrun onto this part of the beach, a desolate sandy strip of land, and he was not disappointed when he saw his best friend alone on the surf.

Now that he was merely a few steps away from the other boy, he saw that his eyes were trailing the fiery tails across the sky. _"Are you making wishes on the shooting stars tonight?"_

He walked right up against Kira and observed the soft defining curves of his cheeks, and watched as his eyelashes brushed across his skin before the eyes opened, revealing a hazy violet. The scarlet flashes of light were reflected on his irises, creating a dusky mauve.

They stood there in peace, receiving a slight comfort from the company, but there was also a thin layer of tension that drifted between them like a barrier. There was always unease whenever the two were together and alone.

Athrun had noticed of late that Kira never took the roundabout way in confronting him and the bluntness of the next question that forced its way into Athrun's mind made him cringe and recoil. He was made aware of the deterioration of Kira.

"Athrun…why…am I still here?"

He tried to grasp on to several words, phrases, to comfort the other without sounding selfish, but nothing came into mind. He needed Kira and he needed Kira to need him. But with this one question, he knew that Kira had no more will to live on. Kira didn't need him.

When his question was met by silence, Kira pressed on, "I should've died up there, shouldn't I?"

"_But Kira…"_ Athrun bit his tongue down and moved forwards, bringing the other boy into an embrace.

Kira didn't resist and hung onto him as Athrun ran his hand down the brown hair calmly but his voice betrayed how he felt, "No, you still have so much to do Kira. You still have to live your life. You still have so many people that love you."

When he felt Kira fiddle slightly in his hold, he let go and took a step back to give him room. It was barely a whisper when he spoke, "…of course…You still have me as well…"

But Kira didn't hear him and was stargazing once more. Athrun was dismayed with his lack of response and fear began to ebb into his thoughts. _"Would Kira believe that he is unfit to live and kill himself?"_

Athrun scrutinized the boy beside him, but Kira hid his emotions well behind his passive mask, _"…but I'll be there to stop him…I have to be there to stop him."_

He weaved his hand into Kira's and grasped on tightly. Athrun felt a light squeeze in return and he couldn't help but allow his lips to quirk into a small smile. _"Somehow, he's still there…"_

Athrun pulled gently on Kira's hand, "We should go. It's getting really late."

Distracted, Kira nodded but went back to staring at the vast, inky blackness.

Finding that Kira wasn't moving, Athrun sighed lightly and began steering him towards the rough path up the slope, his hand still entwined with Kira's. Gradually, Kira fell into step with him but the misty expression didn't leave his face. Athrun stayed quiet and together they walked back to the orphanage.

Athrun knew that Kira was still vaguely there, lost in his own world of guilt and death, but he was also there, ready to guide him back…

---------------------------

…_I cheated his feelings for another that needed my protection…_

But sometimes, when it became unbearable for me as well and Kira needed someone to listen to him, when he needed someone to save him, we would turn to each other. We understood the hardships of war; we went through a destined parallel of events. During our time alone, we even dared to hold, touch, and memorize, but never, ever, kiss…

If we did, we wouldn't have been able to stop and let go.

* * *

**End**

Meh, not my own most favored work so I hope this would suffice Amaya dear :o

Thank you for your valuable time readers.

Reviews are really appreciated.

Constructive criticism is welcomed.

Flames are going to be numbered and named Bob.

Spyrit


End file.
